Disgusting Human Habits That Make All Of Us Happy!

I haven’t written for over a month. I have been busy at work. I’ve neglected the story that I’m supposed to finish. My friends have been bugging me to finish it and write another one. I will, guys. I promise, I will. Just don’t force me to write and I’ll finish it soon.

There’s something that I’ve been wanting to put down in writing. Some people may not agree but I know for sure that deep down inside, what I’m about to list down are simple joys that we can never ever live without.

1. Doesn’t it make you fee extremely relieved, triumphant, accomplished, and happy when you finally, finally get out that nasty and annoying booger that’s filling up one of your nostrils? That hard-to-reach, filthy little thing stuck inside your nose? I know I feel so relieved and happy to just get it out of my nose. Admit it. It’s one of those disgusting habits that gives you extreme pleasure.

2.  People can’t fart in public. Some people do and I don’t know how their conscience can take it. I think people who fart in public ought to be arrested for polluting the environment, terrorism, and frustrated genocide. But… I do understand that sometimes you can’t just hold the damn gas in. Some people can, though. Like myself. If I’m in a public place, and I just feel the need to pass gas so bad… I frikkin hold it in! It’s just good manners, people! My parents taught me when I was a little girl never to fart in public and that was embedded in my mind! You don’t know the torture of holding it in. So you can just imagine the joy I feel when I finally reach home, run as fast as I can to the bathroom, and just let the gas out! Of course it takes an enormous amount of presence of mind to remember to turn on the bathroom ventilation so as not to suffocate.

3. I can also say the same thing about taking a dump/doing a number two. You just don’t do it in public. I am amazed by people who can just take a dump in a public toilet. I can never do it! My butt loves my toilet and bathroom at home and that’s where it prefers doing the deed. I’m sure there are other people like me. It’s such a huge huge relief for me to just let everything out after a day of trying to keep everything in. Of course, there’s the smell that’ll just knock you out but then what are air fresheners for, eh?

4. People who eat and just take teensy bites of everything are ridiculous. Human beings are created with mouths for them to enjoy stuffing it, not to take tiny bites of food. That’s what insects are for! Don’t you just love it when you get a heaping spoonful of that ice cream that you love (or whatever the hell you’re craving for) and just shove it in your mouth? Savoring every drop of it, every mouth-full, and then swallowing? Sinful, isn’t it?! But delightful and fulfilling!

I’m sure there are a lot of other disgusting habits that make life worthwhile, but these are the four essential ones that I can never ever give up.

~ by Lorie on October 30, 2007.