International Pinoy Party Code

1. Pansit is a must. May it be bihon, canton, palabok, malabon, it will never be considered a Pinoy Party without pansit in the premise.

2. Even though it’s a Pinoy Children’s Party, you can never ever substitute spaghetti for pansit. You have to have both. Sweet, sugary, Jollibee-esque spaghetti is for the children, pansit, is for anyone who has already experienced puberty.

3. Whether it be pansit or spaghetti, you gotta have triangle toasted stale bread with star margarine. It would be better if it were puto for the pansit, and real garlic bread for the spaghetti, but for it to be a real Pinoy Party, triangular stale toasted bread with star margarine makes it extra authentic.

4. Whether it be pansit or spaghetti, the three other staple food to go with the noodles are PORK BARBECUE on a stick, HOTDOGS on a stick (whichever size you prefer), and FRIED CHICKEN. NOTE: The hotdogs have to have fancy slashes on them to make them look like tulip-y things.

5. If you where to include (and it is a must as well) hotdogs, those must be stuck on either a huge lettuce head or a pineapple, whichever looks prettier to you. In the absence of a lettuce head or a pineapple, you may use a sturdy banana stalk.

6. Marshmallow decorations not only add aesthetics to the hotdogs on sticks, it also gives that extra sugar boost to help you last these long Pinoy Party hours.

7.The pork barbecue should preferrably be as close to flavor as the ones you buy on the street. To add a little bit of class, try wrapping an inch of the part of the stick where you would hold the barbecue with aluminum foil.

8. Pork barbecue without pork fat is senseless. Pork fat is the essense of the barbecue. It wouldn’t be a Pinoy Party if there are no pork fats in the premise.

9. The fried chicken should be salty enough to be mistaken as chicken bought from Max’s.

10. Essentially, the heart of the Pinoy Party table is made up of these food elements. Without any one of them, you might as well cancel the party. As long as you have these food staples, you can be as creative as you want when it comes to the other dishes (i.e adding menudo, lechon, lechon kawali, adobo, chopsuey with quail eggs, sweet and sour pork, lumpiang shanghai or fish fillet). You are only limited by your imagination.

11. Of course, cake is a must for every party BUT since it’s a Pinoy Party, fruit salad is the choice dessert. Heck, forget the cake. You want to be the most popular person in your neighbor/peer group/family and want to be deemed as the person who gives the most awesome parties? Serve FRUIT SALAD. They will love you. You want to be fancy? Try adding Buko or Pandan. You want to be crazy? Try adding both. For fancier parties, lychees, peaches, cherries, nata de coco, seedless grapes, apples, and kaong give you that extra flair.

12. If there is food present, then drinks are a must.

13. Sodas (or fondly referred to as softdrinks by Pinoys) are staple drinks. Any sodas manufactured by the Coca Cola Bottling Corporation will do (unless you’re one of the rare breeds of Pinoys who actually appreciate Pepsi products more). NOTE: Party hosts, no one would care if you own the house and spent for everything for the party. If you’re a Pepsi-loving freak, you gotta stay in the closet for the duration of the party, and serve Coke REGULAR.

14. Water is optional. It wouldn’t hurt though, if you had some in your refrigerator. Sometime during the party, someone is bound to ask for a glass of water. Better be ready.

15. Kill yourself if you forget to fill your cooler to the brim with ICE BLOCKS.

16. Another optional kind of drink is the juice. Most Pinoys prefer Eight O’Clock or Sunquick, but to the more “sophisticated” palate, they drink nothing else but Tang Orange. Although universally, Pinoys will agree to drink softdrinks, it is to your advantage to stock up on juices. NOTE: Keep in mind that the Del Monte brand is served during Pinoy Weddings. Pineapple if you want to stick to tradition. If you’re a rebel, Pineapple Orange is the way to go.

17. All types of Pinoy Parties (yes, even children’s parties) require some form of alcoholic beverages. Of course, all Pinoy Partygoers are patrons of San Miguel Brewery. Pale for the older generation, Negra for the discerning older generation, Superdry for the older yuppies, SanMig Light for the younger generations (yuppies, college students, Pinoy party animals, figure-conscious Pinoys, etc), and Redhorse for Pinoys who want to be perceived as tough. Serving Colt 45 at a Pinoy Party will certainly kill it. People will actually go home.

18. Monobloc chairs and tables are the best party furnitures Pinoys can get their hands on. Rented, mind you. Unless you’ve made it big and bought some sets for entertaining.

19. Pinoy Party Hosts are very “environmentally conscious.” They never ever use PLASTIC plates. They prefer PAPER! Of course, this is to compensate for using plastic spoon and forks that are very harmful to the environment.

20. Lastly, it won’t be a Pinoy Party without some form of entertainment. HINT: It does not involve quoting Shakespeare, singing in front of a piano, or elocution pieces. Pinoys are very high-tech. Bring out the magic sing and any Francisco Balagtas wannabes will magically transform into a William Hung fanatic. TIP: Go home when one of the drunk uncles proudly sings the jinxed song, “My Way.” Go home ASAP (and don’t forget your doggie bag/palabok) unless you want to risk being on the headline of People’s Journal the next day: “Balikbayan nagdiwang ng kaarawan, binaril ng kapitbahay, PATAY!”

When followed point by point, this party code can lead you to your next successful Pinoy Party whenever and wherever you are.

~ by Lorie on July 6, 2008.