Real Estate Folly

I will never ever go house hunting in Manila, ever again!

I have never come across a listing that is completely truthful. If it says, “5 minutes away from Ortigas,” it really means 5 minutes more and you’re ALMOST HALFWAY THERE!!! Yes, it is 5 minutes at 3 am, when everyone’s sleeping, absolutely no vehicles on the street, and you drive an F1 race car. If it says, “Spacious bedrooms,” it means spacious if you’re from the land of Liliput. If it says, “Mindanao Avenue, Tandang Sora QUEZON CITY,” guess what?! It’s in fucking NOVALICHES/CALOOCAN, the Murder Capital of Manila.

My friend Faye asked me to see townhouses with her, thinking it’s the Mindanao Avenue that’s right along Veteran’s Hospital. We had a 9 am appointment with a developer and he told us to go meet him at the Wilcon Builder’s Center along Mindanao Ave. We thought we had the right Wilcon Center, but guess what? Mindanao Avenue’s so vast, it called for TWO Wilcon Centers…

It was a sign…

Meeting up with the developer gave me a funny feeling that I was going to see parts of Quezon City that I’ve never heard of before. You see, I was born and raised in the Southern part of Metro Manila. I’m a Southern girl through and through. I abhor Quezon City. To me, going to Quezon City means Eastwood and Tomas Morato. I have never even thought that I would venture into the depths of undeveloped QC in this lifetime.

The houses were okay. The location was very wrong. Faye was looking for something near UP, not near Tandang Sora National High School. Driving around to see the houses, I saw schools I’ve only seen in the defunct show, Battle of the Brains. I’d never thought I would see the headquarters of that Hortaleza Beauty store (HBC). It didn’t even cross my mind that they have a proper office, let alone a huge compound! I never thought I’d see the factory that makes Likas Papaya soap. I never imagined that parts of Quezon City still had dirt roads, stray dogs that are already too comfortable sleeping on the middle of the road and not even bothering a glance at you while you desperately honk your horn and decide, “Should I run over it?” or, “Should I wait for it to get up?” Exclusive townhouse gated communites in those parts of QC rise in the middle of a neighborhood that one wouldn’t even imagine walking around in the afternoon unless you want to get stalked, mugged, or stabbed 77 times. Townhouses that are right next to a GRASSY KNOLL (vacant lot with meters-high grass reeds), convenient enough for a serial killer/rapist to murder you in your own home and dump your body next to it, without anybody ever figuring out where you disappeared to. Neighbors (if any) will just think the stinking, rotting smell is a corpse of a kitten or a rat that’s bigger than a full-grown cat.  These are parts of QC wherein neighborhood kids are in awe of a car… I felt compelled to show my passport and driver’s license every time we passed through those gated communities. What if they require a visitor’s pass or a tourist visa? It’s like venturing into another country. Faye and I felt like we were in a parallel universe that no one in Manila knew about.

Faye: If I move here, will you still be my friend and visit me?

Me: I’ll send you telegrams and visit you every year…

I can’t fathom why cab drivers complain whenever someone asks them to drive to Paranaque, Taguig, Alabang, Las Pinas. If I were a cab driver and someone asked me to drive them to Barangay Sauyo “NEAR” Mindanao Avenue, I’d ask for an extra P1,000.00 on top of whatever’s on the meter, make them sign legal documents stating that if I get mugged or murdered on my way back to civilization, my family or next of kin will receive X amount of cash as compensation. Then again, I’d probably laugh at the passenger and drive away. Who are they kidding?! No cab driver in the right state of mind would drive to those parts of Quezon City! It’s the Hotel California of the National Capital Region! You can drive there anytime you’d like, but you can never leave!

~ by Lorie on July 22, 2008.